


Letting Go

by Nyooom



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Accidents, Angst, Blood, Car Accidents, Death, F/M, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-08 05:24:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17975249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyooom/pseuds/Nyooom
Summary: Saeran takes a visit to see MC for the last time.





	Letting Go

**Author's Note:**

> This is a writing I did on an old writing blog from Tumblr (@mysticalfriends). I was going through and looking at the old writings and decided to post this here (with a bit of editing, of course)! The original note attatched to the writing is below the dashes. Enjoy!  
> \---  
> Saeran is in a healthier state of mind, as over four years have passed since the secret ends. MC never was with Saeyoung, and instead started dating Saeran. The writing itself doesn’t include any spoilers for the secret ends, so don’t worry about that if you haven’t take them yet!

The snow beneath his feet crunched as he approached the place he had been avoiding for over half a year. His stomach churned and his hands grew clammy as he clutched the one thing he had left to give her in his hand: the engagement ring he was to give her before she… before she left him.

The day was chilly and dark; thick blankets of grey clouds masked the sunlight and the air was nippy, turning the tips of his ears, the tip of his nose, and his cheeks bright red.

He almost didn’t come. He had been arguing with himself ever since the day she left him for good whether or not to. On one hand, he was her boyfriend- well, ex boyfriend. He loved her, so seeing her one last time would have been respectful, kind. On the other hand, she was gone. She moved on to a new life without him. He was scared to visit, as it would bring back memories and thoughts he had worked so hard to shove to the back of his mind.

He nearly turned around when the entrance appeared ahead of him. The wrought-iron gate, opened with its intricate patterns weaved throughout, looked like something from a horror movie, at least to him. He slowed his pace to try and collect himself before he reached her.

He paused just outside the gates, staring in. The grass was covered with snow. Well, everything was covered in a thick layer of white. It made everything look much brighter than it was. He hated it.

With a deep breath, he clutched the ring box in his right pocket and walked in. He tried hard to control his breathing and keep it slow like he learned in therapy, but it was difficult, especially as he approached her.

There. There she was.

He stopped in front of her and crouched down, brushing some snow off the top of the stone marking her final resting place. The headstone was beautiful and simple; Just her full name, as well as a few words engraved underneath, two sunflowers and a butterfly on the side. It was appropriate, as being with her felt like summer to him.  His eyes read the epitaph carefully. It was very simple, like everything else. “The sun shined brighter and warmer because she was here.”

His brother tried and tried to get him to help with something involving her death, even just sending her family a message of support, but he selfishly refused. His mindset was if he didn’t deal with it, it wouldn’t be real. He fooled himself for over six months that she would come home again, that she would grace his life one again with her warm light. Of course, it would never happen. She was snatched from him, like everything else in his life was. He regretted not helping with the funeral or services after, but what's done was done.

Saeran lowered himself to sit cross-legged in front of the stone and pressed a gloved hand to the freezing surface, closing his eyes, imagining her. It didn’t even register in his mind that the cold snow was seeping into his pants. Even if he had registered it, he wouldn’t have cared.

“MC,” he murmured, tracing the letters of her name with his glove-covered fingertips. “Why did you have to leave me alone? Why did you do it?” He half expected her to respond, or to feel something, like a warm brush of a hand on his damp cheeks, or arms wrapping around him. But, he felt nothing, heard nothing at all. Not even the slightest trace of her scent came to him. What had she smelled like? It had been so long since he smelled anything with her scent. It had faded from the pillow she had slept on beside him. Her clothes smelled of nothing anymore. He had nothing of her scent anymore. Oh, how he wished he could smell it again!

Memories he had suppressed started rushing back to him, at first a small trickle, but gradually coming in choking waves. He thought of first meeting her, how she had been so persistent and kind even as he yelled at her and shoved her away. He thought of the first time they went out. He had been so nervous, shaking and stuttering half the night, and she took it in stride, suggesting they leave the nice restaurant he reserved for them and get takeout to eat while stargazing in the park. They didn’t even order their drinks before they left. He remembered their first kiss, how she had gently pressed her lips to his for a second, and just that made his stomach explode and his heart flutter. He remembered their first real fight, and how horrible he felt for even thinking she was cheating on him with her coworker. It lasted two days, and at the end, he apologized sincerely, and they spent the night cuddling and making up for the lost two days. Finally, he thought about their last moments together, not realizing that it was. Everything had been perfect; just the two of them lying together in bed watching some rom-com she insisted on watching. He had whined about it, and now regretted it deeply. He had made a comment about wanting ice cream, and she got up and left without batting an eye or complaining.

“MC, MC, MC,” he cried softly, tears openly cascading down his face for the first time since the news had come that she had died in a drunk driving accident. She had just been walking home from the store, crossing the street when it told her to and some drunk idiot hit her and drove off, leaving her to bleed out in the middle of the street. They never caught the guy or the car who had done it, as it was late at night that it happened, and he still was filled with hatred for the man that took the only good thing away from him. He saw red when he thought of her last moments, how scary they must have been laying alone in the street late at night. He also saw red, because if he hadn’t whined about wanted the stupid tub of ice cream from the corner store, she wouldn’t have left, and would still be alive. Or, he should have gone with her, and got hit instead. Or, they should have got it when they went to the grocery store earlier in the day. He should have, he should have, he should have...

“Come back, please, MC! I don’t know how to live without you anymore. Everything is so… dark. I’ve been having bad thoughts again, MC, the ones you used to help me chase away. Help me, please.” Only the bone-chilling wind answered. He was utterly alone, weeping in front of the stone that marked his dead girlfriend’s grave.

His brother and the RFA had all tried their best to distract him from her absence, and he had allowed them to do so. It worked, but now, he didn’t want to pretend that she was still alive. He didn’t want to pretend what happened to her didn’t happen. He didn’t want to do any of it, especially for her. It wasn’t fair to her for him to pretend what happened never did. He needed to move on, for her sake. She wouldn’t have wanted to see him crying like this in front of her grave. She had always told him was so strong, and since her death, he hadn’t exhibited that for her. He wanted, no, _needed,_ to be strong, for her sake. He wouldn’t shy away from her memory anymore; he would cherish it, cherish the time he had with her, and move on. He would do it for her, whom he hoped was watching over him.

Saeran took his hand off the stone and swiped his hands over his cheeks to rid them of the tears. A strange calm had come over him, almost as if something in him that had been torturing him had shook loose and fell away. It felt… good, to not feel that nagging anger and sadness anymore. He had carried it for the entire six months and twenty-two days she had been gone, and finally, it was gone. He felt lighter than before. Sure, he was still sad. His other half was gone, but he felt he could go on now that he had visited her.

Biting his lip softly, he reached into his pocket and withdrew the black velvet ring box he had carried with him. His hands absentmindedly twisted it around as his eyes scrutinized her headstone once again. Finally, after a few moments, he looked at the box and opened it gently. The ring glittered against the black cushion despite the lack of sunlight. It was simple, a thin rose gold band with a rose pattern carefully encasing the small jewel at the center. She had expressed how much she loved roses, and he wanted to give her something as unique and beautiful as her. It was expensive, and he knew she wouldn’t have approved of the price, but he didn’t care. He would have given her the world if he could've.

“This was for you, MC. I… I was going to give it to you to make you mine, forever, but that didn’t happen. You were the one thing I had that made me genuinely happy in life, my one bright spot in a world of darkness and despair. I don’t know if you can hear me, and I know if you were here, you would probably laugh at me for being so emotional, but that won’t happen again. I’ve accepted it. Thank you for an amazing four years, MC. I’ll cherish them for the rest of my life. Thank you for saving me, for accepting me and my ugly scars, for making me the happiest man in the world. I love you.” Taking one last look at the ring glittering innocently in the box, he shut it, squeezing his eyes shut before setting it delicately on top of the snow in front of the headstone and standing. “I’ll visit often from now on. I’m sorry I waited so long. Good bye, MC.” He readjusted his coat and tightened his scarf around his neck before getting his phone out to text Saeyoung that he was ready to leave.

He got to the gates of the cemetery and looked back at the headstone, her final resting spot, with the little box looking like a speck of dirt in the snow. He could have sworn he saw her image standing there beside the stone, one hand resting on top of the box and the other raised and waving slowly. Her smile was lively, he could tell even from the entrance, and her hair twisted and danced in the wind. She looked as beautiful as the last day he saw her, and it made his heart clench. She seemed to be passing him a message with her smile, what it was he wasn’t sure about, but he knew it. Maybe something of encouragement? He squeezed his eyes shut, and when he opened them again, she was gone. With a shake of his head and a fleeting smile, he left.

Once his brother appeared in his car, he slid gratefully into the leather passenger seat and reached for the heat. “How are you doing?” Saeyoung asked his brother softly, pulling away from the curb and heading in the direction of the bunker. A small smile turned Saeran’s lips up as he glanced in the mirror at the fading cemetery.

“Good, I’m good. Let’s go home, Saeyoung.”


End file.
